


Love lost

by disregard30



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1490326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disregard30/pseuds/disregard30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And so I write. Ugly words and hurt feelings, ink on paper. <br/>My heart at my throat, I’ll throw up.<br/> I’ll puke and it’ll be messy. <br/>My chest stomped on, because I think he doesn’t love me anymore.<br/>I’m too much of a coward to ask if he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love lost

It’s the coldest in his arms. The loneliest.  
It’s beautiful, how it all used to make sense to the both of us.   
I don’t know when it changed, but I know it did. He is still here, but not.  
“Hyung”, he says, and doesn’t smile.  
“Have a good day”, he says, and doesn’t mean it.  
And when he holds me at night, it’s because I pull his arms around me. He huffs and whines and lets me, and it’s exactly like it used to be, because he used to huff and whine and pretend he didn’t like it, didn’t want it…It’s exactly the same.   
But it’s not.  
I feel his hugs are empty, now. His smile is empty. His eyes are empty when he looks at me.  
_  
I wait and wait on him. It’s late at night, almost early morning.  
He reeks of alcohol and stinks of lies.  
“Maknae.” I say.  
“Not now, hyung. I’m tired. I don’t wanna hear it.”  
He sounds angry at me, when it should be the other way around. Annoyed at me when I have yet to say anything. So I don’t.  
_  
And so I write.   
Ugly words and hurt feelings, ink on paper. My heart at my throat, I’ll throw up. I’ll puke and it’ll be messy. My chest stomped on, because I think he doesn’t love me anymore.  
I’m too much of a coward to ask if he does.  
I practice it in my head sometimes.  
“Seungri-ya! Do you love me still?”  
And I stop here, because I don’t want to think of what he’ll say.  
“Of course, hyung.”  
“Of course not.”  
It hurts my head. It hurts my heart.  
The ache is beautiful, fuels my lyrics, feeds my inspiration… and slowly kills me inside.  
_  
It’s the coldest in his arms. The loneliest.  
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.


End file.
